Pages: 21

No chapter abstract available.

Pages: 10

This chapter focuses on establishing the context and the need for the main idea of the book ‘Relationship with self’. It paints a mental image of a lifelong relationship in two versions: unhealthy and healthy. It defines ‘relationship with self’ as how a person relates with themselves or is connected with themselves. The three key components that determine the quality of this relationship are (1) how you see yourself, (2) how you feel about yourself, (3) how you treat yourself. The chapter emphasizes how important this relationship is and how it impacts us deeply, yet we are not taught to intentionally nurture it. The chapter dives into what a healthy relationship with self looks like in practice, contrasting it against the romantic idea of self-love propagated via social media and pop psychology. It shares a real-life case study of a client to demonstrate real-life implications. The chapter concludes with talking about the impact of the quality of relationship one has with themselves, has on other aspects of their life – including other relationships, career, physical and mental health, and so on. In the end, there is an exercise for readers to reflect on their relationship with self.

Pages: 9

Like any other relationship, one can nurture and deepen their relationship with themselves irrespective of its current state. This chapter gives an overview of the key elements of relationship with self and how they fall under the three components of relationship with self we discussed in the last chapter. The key elements of relationship with yourself are the complex human: multiple selves (Chapter 3), see yourself (Chapter 4), acceptance and authenticity (Chapter 5), valuing self (Chapter 6), safe inside us: compassion and affection (Chapter 7), and alive in our emotions (Chapter 8). This chapter gives a bird’s eye view of the rest of the book and emphasizes how each of these elements interacts and builds on each other. The center of all of these elements and practices is ‘you’. Every person is unique, and even if two people are facing the same challenge, their way to overcome it can be and often is totally different. There is no absolute or ‘only’ way to do things. This chapter prepares the reader to get the most out of the book.

Pages: 128

No chapter abstract available.

Pages: 21

Most often than not people think of themselves as one unified self or personality. In reality, human beings are more complex than that. This chapter presents the idea of ‘self’ as a complex system made of different parts (of us) or multiple selves. It draws on both real life examples and different branches of psychology and coaching to establish the idea of multiple selves and how it impacts one’s relationship with themselves. An important part of having a healthy relationship with self is how we interact with these different parts, navigate through their conflicting desires and agendas, and move toward clarity to take action. Because if we stay in the state of internal conflict (feeling stuck, anxious, confused, and/or lost) we would not take action in alignment with what we really want. We would feel unfulfilled and unhappy. The chapter further explores the two different categories of these parts of us: (1) saboteurs – parts that criticize and self-sabotage and (2) inner allies – resourceful parts that support and cheerlead us. There are exercises and tools in this chapter that help one identify these different parts and amplify the ones that support us and slow down the ones that sabotage us.

Pages: 18

This chapter emphasizes that the basic foundation of your ‘relationship with self’ is how you see yourself and what you think about yourself. Just like in any other relationship how you see the person and think of them would affect that relationship. The chapter asks the readers to reflect on how they see themselves and encourages them to see themselves in totality: the beautiful, the ok, and the not-so-ok parts of them. The chapter then talks about self-awareness and how seeing oneself starts by getting to know oneself and what one wants, just like if you date someone you would spend time and energy to get to know them. It talks about ‘getting to know yourself’ at different levels: (1) thoughts and beliefs about self, (2) seeing yourself through your values, (3) getting to know your inner allies and saboteurs. The chapter shares lots of exercises to help the reader put the learnings into practice in real life and help them feel truly seen by themselves.

Pages: 26

If self-awareness is the foundation of the relationship with self, acceptance and authenticity are the pillars that support it and keep it solid. Together they create space for deep connection with oneself. Acceptance of who you are (all parts and aspects of you) and the ability to be that authentic you are the building blocks of your relationship with yourself. This chapter gives you a peek into what each of these elements looks like when put into practice and the impact they have on our relationship with self. The author defines acceptance of self and authenticity, from both the research perspective and what it looks like in real life. You will find a ton of exercises and tools that can help you practice self-acceptance and being your authentic self. The chapter would help you dive deeper into these very important ideas and chart a path to further strengthen your relationship with yourself.

Pages: 20

This chapter points out how the popular concepts of self-worth and self-esteem do more harm than good to our relationship with self. The author suggests we focus on valuing ourselves instead. How is valuing self different from these two? It is the behavioral aspect which separates valuing self from self-worth and self-esteem. Self-worth and self-esteem are more of an emotional concept and focus on how you feel about yourself. While valuing self is a behavioral concept and focuses more on how you act toward yourself. The chapter describes what valuing self looks like and provides a practical framework that helps readers in practicing the idea of valuing self. This framework has three key elements: 1) setting the intention; 2) key behaviors and actions (spending quality time with yourself, prioritizing self and healthy boundaries, responsibility versus blame, nurturing, appreciating yourself and savoring); 3) observing what shifts.

Pages: 19

This chapter talks about how the most dangerous bullies we encounter are the ones that live inside us. The voices that live inside our heads judging, ridiculing our every decision, every experience, failures, and even successes. These inner bullies or critics are constantly commenting on everything that is going on around us. The inner bullies (saboteurs) believe in the stick approach. They believe that by judging, ridiculing, and beating you they would make you better. These saboteurs’ perpetual goal is to protect us from unpleasant experiences, but it is not always helpful. The chapter emphasizes how important it is to be compassionate and affectionate to yourself and create inner safety. The author talks about the idea of self-compassion and affection for self – what it means and what it looks like in practice. There are exercises that readers will find helpful in building self-compassion and affection for themselves. The chapter also helps readers to understand the process of redesigning their relationship with inner bullies and create a more empowering sense of self.

Pages: 22

This chapter talks about how we respond to our emotions – especially the difficult ones – impacts our relationship with ourselves. Emotions are powerful things and can sometimes feel like a rollercoaster. They bring us alive but can also at times make us feel overwhelmed. The chapter talks about how emotions are not negative or positive, good or bad. Emotions are just emotions, and we can’t selectively pick emotions to experience and block out others. The author talks about how well-being and a well-lived life don’t mean never experiencing uncomfortable emotions like sadness, fear, anger, and so on. The chapter has very helpful practical exercises and steps to process emotions. The chapter bottom lines that even though it feels hard to bear them sometimes, our emotions carry significant information about our life. When we embrace all our emotions fully and learn to process them, it elevates the quality of our relationship with self because it brings more awareness, acceptance, and authenticity in our living. It brings wholesomeness to us.

Pages: 10

No chapter abstract available.

Pages: 8

This chapter highlights the key things that play a significant role in successful implementation of the ideas and tools discussed in this book. The journey to personal growth and challenges is not a linear one. The ideas and principles shared in this chapter will help the readers anticipate the challenges (at least some of them) and struggles that they might face as they put the learnings in practice. The chapter aims to guide you through some of those obstacles and support you in overcoming them. The goal here is to share the learnings that come from putting things to practice. But, more importantly, this chapter focuses on helping the reader create a mindset that would serve them best on this journey of personal growth and change.